I fucking hate myself. Here comes the depressed moments. I don’t even know why. Maybe it’s cause I’ve gained weight whatever the reason. I’m always mad at everyone and for anything. I feel stupid for feeling happy over something I feel stupid for being sad over anything. Everytime I express my feelings I get put down so why show emotions. I don’t anymore. I use to act like I didn’t want a boyfriend before when I did. But now I literally don’t. Wtf is wrong with me, I don’t even know who I like. I’m talking to ace, Bruno, jonathan, Bryan, and I’m like crushing on 4 different boys and I don’t even know if I like any of them. I just want this to be over. I wanna cry and I don’t remember the last time I did. I just want someone to be with and tell them everything without judging me, like really not judge me. I feel so much uglier than I usually do making me feel even shittier. As bad as this sounds I want to go back to my old ways, I won’t actually say what they are because it’s too much to say on a website. Too personal. I want Brandon like I used to have. Now I have no one. I push people away cause that’s what I like, I like being alone. But I would like just one person to stay. Hmm
Everyone is pissing me the fuck off. First of all everyone is being a bitch or an asshole. Especially jake and Erin and I’ve had it up to here with them. Like wtf is their problem, I’m tired of their sarcastic humor that is just annoying and not even fucking funny. Like of course I’m gonna be fucking pissed if youre aiming to throw food at me the fuck. Then you get mad cos I ask for a cookie and then you’re like oh now you’re asking for a cookie when you were fucking pissed 5 minutes ago. Yes I was pissed cos you’re an annoying faggot. Erin was mad cos I didn’t know if there was a pinnacle printout in my row like sit the fuck down and chill out and then she has the nerve to tell me what’s your problem today. Stfu just cos I got into a fight with you boyfriend doesn’t mean I have a problem your boyfriend is annoying as hell. Then ace is annoying cos all he does is talk about how hot my friends are and other girls are and when he occasionally sees me all he fucking says you look like a lobster, I’m not even burnt da fuckkkk. THEN MY FUCKING parents had to put the cherry on top to my perfect day. So theyre telling me I’m gonna in Mexico for like 5th time in a row for my birthday WHAT THE FUCK. Its my 16th birthday I wanna be with friend I wanna be home I want to ughhhhhh an they’re calling me selfish and of corse I’m mad it’s my birthday and I always wanna spend it home with friends and they always cancel my plans and it’s my birthday. I can’t even do anything about it either cos they dont let me. I’m over it. I fuckif hate everyone
I don’t like my body & I plan to do something about it.
From now on no bread, no dairy, no chocolate, & running/exercising daily. No joke.
Today on 2/11 I weigh a solid 133 pounds probably the most I’ve ever weighed. Today my diet starts.
